BioPaper

Arlight, below is My Bio Paper written during my 1st semester of Freshman Year for Professor Douglas. This Paper that you are about to Read was suppose to be around 8-10 pages Long, (the final paper that I turned in was almost 4 pages) and to be very serious, tracing the evolution process of MAN. The assigment was based on a book about how Man Evolved from Whale. But also, we had to read "Darwin's Finches" to learn about Darwins Evolution Theory. As you can see, both are about the Process of Evolution. FUN FUN FUN STUFF! Anyways, Read My Paper Below. Be aware that it Contains Many Swears, so Read with Caution!

Above are the Stupid Finches that we had to learn about for freakin a WHOLE SEMESTER. I HATE THOSE DAMN BIRDS. Oh, anyways, um, Yeah, This is Important for you to know while reading my Important Research Paper because Darwin Based his Theory of Evolution on studying these Freakin Birds. Yes, see, VERy Important to Remember! ANd as you can see, He studied those Damn Birds on the Galapagos Islands! Oh, and above, you can Here the Sound a Finch Makes! (okay, well, actually, its just a bird sound, but you get the freakin idea, RIght?!)

Evolution is a fucked up process. Many fucking years go by, like fucking MILLIONS at a time, and things tend to fucking change. It's really Shitty! Although, it's kinda cool because thats where us bastards come from. ya know? We fucking evolved from like little algae! Then we were like those little monkey asses you see running around in Zoo's. I can barely believe it myself, why should others?! Well, thats what I am writing this paper for, to show others the Fucking Messed up Process of Evolution!

Some say Darwin was full of shit. I sometimes think the bastard was too, but some of that shit he talked about does make sense. I can't point out what though, because I don't remember it, but I do remember thinking that he could be fucking right. The man even had his own fucking Theory, something called Darwinism. OH yeah, and he had a thing with the finches too! I remember that....the motha fuckin Darwin finches. Thats what those lil bastards are called. Well, what the fuck? Yeah, um, Charlie Darwin, he's the MOTHA FUCKIN' MAN!

Okay, so here's the jist of the story. A long long motha fuckin time ago, the earth was born. There was some kind of explosion in outter space, and BOOM!!! the earth and sun and other planets appeared out of no where. There is no way to prove this because no one was alive back then, but it musta fuckin happened, cause I remember learning this shit in like 4th grade. Yeah, so years go by and, on earth, H2O came into the atmosphere, and um, plant life was created and shit like that. Yeah, and it started raining because it was like a side effect from the fuckin' ever changing environment. So, it rained and rained like a Bitch! Thats where all the oceans and lakes came from. So, then plants grew more, and then WHOAH! something happened, bacteria started to grow in the water.. Yeah, thats what I said! So, this bacteria was like the first living thing on earth. This crazy bacteria grew and grew like shit everywhere. Then, somehow, it turned into little fish that swam in the water. Those were the 1st living creatures, and that is where the motha fuckin' evolution process begins.

So yeah, fish. Fish are Great. They don't have lungs, but have what is know as Gills. You might be asking yourself, what the fuck are gills, and how are they different from Lungs? Well my friend, how the Fuck am I suppose to know! I'm not a scientist! Well, I think tho, that gills basically fuckin' breathe water instead of air. So the 1st living creatures breathe water. But you know what? Something happened to the atmosphere again. Since it was still changing and all, um, it stopped raining forever and Fuckin' Dried up like a fucking dessert of something. So, then there was a lot less water around. SO you know what the fuckin fish did? Well, I'll tell ya from what I learned in class. So here it goes. The fish ran out of water. It was a bitch trying to live because there was no more oceans around, just like puddles and shit. So, as time went by, the evolution thing again, fish began to adapt so they could survive easier. So, you see, the earth had much more land and stuff instead of water. SO the fish fuckin' adapted and grew like legs to crawl off the shores onto the fucking Land! It was like a breakthrought or something! It was so amazing! This is where the 1st motha fuckin land creatures came from. So yeah, they went onto the land to like find food, because there was a lot less shit for them to eat in their little puddles. Also, they laid their little eggs on land too, so thats where land creatures came from. So, as time went by, more and more land creatures came about! WHOAH! Because fish adapted thru the messed up process of evolution, this shit went down.

Okay, so yeah, land creatures are good. This is where humans and fucking dino's came from. But this was not the topic of the fucking book that we read. It was the topic of the book we read after this one though, but we wont talk about that. So, yeah, what's Next? Oh yeah, okay, i got it. So, now there are fish, and now there are land creatures. But you know what happened next? Well, you see, it started to rain like a bitch again! I know, what the fuck, we just got rid of it, and it fuckin comes back! So, you know what that means!!!!!!! Yup, the earth becomes covered in lots of water again. SO, at this present time, there are fishy and reptiles and mammals. Okay, so what happens next? Do you want to know? Well, okay, ill tell ya what's gonna come next. Have you ever wondered where WHALES came from? I bet you have. Becuase you remember talking about this shit in like 6th grade and how we and all animals are mamals and shit, but also WHALES are too. THEY fucking live under water, but they are mammals too! How can this be? Well, here's the fucked up explanation giving by the work of many scientists.

Since it's raining like a bitch again, the world becomes covered with water again. So now, animals would much rather live in the water, because of the so less land. So you know what happens again? yup, FUCKING EVOLUTION!!! So, adaptions begin again, and some mamals find it easier to go to water to get their prey. One animal in particular likes it like this. I forget its name...hold on, I will look into my notes...Yes, here it is, Mesonychids. These are animals like dogs sorta. Yeah, dogs. Well, anyways, they are mammal. So, they found it easier to get food in water. So time goes by and they start to adapt. So they go from that, to Pakicetues, to Ambulocetus and Dalanistes, to Rodhocetus and Takracetus. These are starting to look much more like Whales. You wanna know the fuck why? well, you asked for it. Okay, so they start to live off of the river or ocean. So, time goes by and they find it easier to kinda loose their legs and arms. It's much easier in water with no legs and arms for some reason. OH YEAH, to SWIM. So then they become Gaviocetus and Basilosaurus and Dorudon, and finally, into whales, which are know as Mysticetes and Odontocetes. Yeah! So thats the big long story that you fucking wanted me to write my paper about. I think you wanted more detail, didn't you? Um, let me see if I can add some. Um, well, the fuckin animals lost their legs and arms to swim, and their fat and skin turned into blubber to gain balance in the water. Yeah, thats it! Yeah, and this all happened through evolution and through genetics and, your motha fuckin favorite word that you mentioned in class a shit lot, HOX genes! So, i dont know what Hox genes are, but I know that they had something to do with this whole process! Yeah, and thats it.

--So, I hope you enjoyed my paper. I know i didnt mention any of the scientists who came up with this shit, but who cares! They don't deserve any credit anyway! They are ALL motha fuckin LoserS!!!! I mentioned Darwin tho..and hey, you know what, You show a remarkable resembalance to the man! You have white hair and that long white beard, just like that motha fucker! yeah, except you always wear that cowboy hat for some reason...i dunno why. It's all good tho, your cool. So, Give me a good grade, cause i fuckin need it like a whore needs Dick!

Alright, Thats My PAPER! I hope you were ALL IMPRESSED Greatly by My Knowledge. And if you eveR have any Questions on Finches, or Whales, or Evolution of some sort, DONT COME ASK ME! Cause there is NO WAY IN HELL that I am gonna Help Your Ass! And for those Who Read this Whole Thing, WOW You are Amazing!!!!

Ofcourse most of the swears were cut out when i turned it in. But I really did turn this in. I actually ended it halfway thru a sentence. I ended up with a C for my final course grade. SCORE!